Need I Say More?

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Recovering from the weekend…

I had a good weekend… however, I was reminded just how much I hate Refralafrafs! Yes, yes… I met several people who I wanted to flick them in the head until they died even worse than the annoying kids in Inverness! WOW… that is impressive! But I guess that is what I get for placing myself in such Refralafrafy situations! You would think that I would learn my lesson, but no… I continue to be stupid! So… in order to recover from my long weekend of torment, I have made myself a check list of things to do tomorrow (the first free time I have had since the weekend) in order to get back in touch with my Farfalarfery side!

¨ Do the Spatula Dance for an hour… it can revive even the most Refralafrafed people! *gabs Pippy LongSpatula and does the infamous Dance*

¨ Eat nothing but pickles and Chiken-in-a-Bisket for the entire day!

¨ Come up with plans for the next member of the Spatula Land family (to replace the void that loosing Rhinestone Rick made in my life)

¨ Make some new buttons for that lovely purse of mine… I have several new ideas!

1. “Hey… whatever dills your cucumber”

2. “Randomness wants to be your raft of choice”

3. “The Phantom of the Opera for Vice President” (cuz I am still gonna vote for Samwise Gamgee for President)

4. “My purpose in life is to grace you with my Randomness!”

¨ Watch Pirates of the Caribbean… skip over the unibrow parts and focus on K.G.C.C., for you can always learn something from the quintessential Farfalarfer!

¨ Try to figure out "fart basketball"… or maybe not…

¨ Watch the tape of Fear Factor and then try to re-enact all of the stunts preformed on the show… wait… I do that anyway!

¨ Figure out some way to cover up my unsightly sweatband-non-tanned-wrist!

¨ Crank the air conditioner all the way up so it is freezing in my apartment, then light a fire, put on my comfy flannel (which would be especially kool if they were my newly found Tartan, for I am officially a Stewart) pajamas and cuddle up with a good book and hot chocolate… especially fun in the middle of the craziest heat wave to hit Spatula Land in forever! BLAH!

¨ Don't, under any circumstances, try to contemplate the existence of polar bears… but I guess I should take the time to purchase some so that they can live in the jungles of Spatula Land!

¨ Spot the only cloud in the entire sky and drive in that direction until I find a nice big thunderstorm! *Makes mental note to leave the batteries at home, unlike last time*

¨ And who can under-estimate the pure joy that comes with cheese-racing?

¨ I was planning to dress as Batman and climb up Buckingham Palace, but I hear that that has been done a lot lately! Captain… when you do crazy things, you must learn not to get caught!

¨ Learn the dance for “Cause this is thriller, thriller night” so that I can have something in common with Mr. Andrew Serkis

¨ Figure out how I can go about getting my name legally changed to Candy Apple Aaaaanarga… doesn’t that just roll off the tongue beautifully?

¨ Create a Hum-lingual to go with the Bow-lingual and the Meow-lingual, which will be able to translate the hums and chirps of a humming bird into human language.

¨ Try to sell some of my belly button lint on eBay… see if anyone is as obsessed with lint as we are with Spatulas… hey man, whatever dills your cucumber!

¨ Try to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring!

¨ I need to make a fort out off all the pillows and blankets and stuff in the living room, just like I did when I was a little girl

¨ Figure out which of my teeth is my favorite… that is a little but harder than picking a favorite toe, which by the way is the one next to my big toe on my right foot because of the huge scar left from loosing a nice chunk of my toe in the Red Sea (yes, yes… just one of my near death experiences)

¨ Try to figure out what exactly “whaaashabaaaashabaaaa” means when translated from Clarissa-Meganese (remember, that is one word, hyphenated) into regular old English

¨ Finally write down on paper what this new fangled Italicized workout consists of, so that others can join in on the fun… much like they do with the Spatula Dance… which could also be Italicized! *does the Italicized Spatula Dance… or the Spatula Dance*

¨ And if I run out of things to do, I could always continue my search for the King of the Squirrels!

Wow… it sounds like I have a full day ahead of me, so I better think about getting some shuteye soon! Perhaps I could be a bit more random tomorrow, but right now I am simply too tired to be random! Not enough eating going on or something! And like I said… far too much time spent near Refralafrafs this weekend has impaired my randomness! Hope to be back to normal by the next entry! Pasta people!

This eccentric performance of nonsensical randomness took place at 11:23 pm by Savvy1stMate!
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Monday, September 13, 2004

Our weekend o' Dom-ness... and some non-Dom-ness...

Alright, so I don’t want to bore all you with all of the itty bitty details of our crazy weekend (but of course if I did, we all know that it would be quite random), but I promised a couple of you that I would tell you all about meeting Dom. Plus, well, any excuse to make fun of his hair is okay by me, so I figured why not? Though the weekend was not quite all I was hoping it would be (pretty much because Disneyland sucks and the people there sucked even more) and though I would never have done it had I not had a pass, over all the weekend ended well worth it.

A couple of quick notes that aren’t about Dom, cuz unfortunately, the world does not revolve around him, for he is not a Spatula! AnyBEAN! First… when you add 3 times to Jamba Juice and 2 trips to Starbucks… that equals 5 servings of manna from heaven, sweet nectar of life, and turns any 2 and a half days into goodness! And did I mention the chips and salsa? Also… why did it take me so long to go see Napoleon Dynamite? Seriously… what is wrong with me? IDIOT! Oh… sorry… back to the real world… I mean Spatula Land! By the way, just in case the weekend wasn’t crazy enough, I’d like to point out the fact that it also included a trip to the hospital… don’t ask!

Mmmmm… I’m hungry… which reminds me… LOST! So… I guess most of the rest of the entry will revolve around Dom and his hair! The Captain and I spent most of the day Saturday at California Adventure going on all them fun rides… Tower, Soaring, and the water thing whatever it is called several times. After that we ate and then sat and watched the parade of the star, which Dom was supposed to be in but didn’t show up for! I think he was walking behind us at some point in time during the day and saw my bright pink pin and realized that he couldn’t show his face in the parade with such ugly hair. Unfortunately he didn’t do such a hot job on restyling it… though it was much better than at some points that I have seen it. I can’t imagine what it looked like before he saw my button and got it cut!

Here are Dom’s co-stars from LOST in the Parade of the Stars.

They seem quite excited that Dom is not there getting grease all over them.

AnyBEAN… the Captain and I saw Harold (who is so kool), Evangeline (I wanted to squish her, she is so sweet) and Matt (he seemed quite nice as well) in the Parade, but no one else I recognized. Maybe I don’t get out enough… or it is because Spatula Land only gets selective channels and programs. After the Parade that Dom missed because he was getting his hair cut on the advice of a very random gal, we headed back to the Captains house for the rest of the evening. Welll… actually we spent quite a while driving around listening to Phantom of the Opera music, because Mr. Kool Phantom Dude makes up for the missing of the Dom-ness.

Sunday we woke up late and made it to California Adventure late and got in line to meet the cast late! BASTA! So… yeah… the conclusion is that we didn’t get to meet Dom or any of the cast members in the photo session thingy. I did get a couple of pictures of them, but the hour wait was so not worth it!

Here is Dom at the photo session, missing out on meeting me! Poor sap!

But after learning to push my way through the crowds to see the Mona Lisa up close at the Louvre, I took the skills that I learned there to make it to the front of a huge crown of people, and I was able to give Dom Rhinestone Rick and Pickle Bob. Didn’t get to give him my whole speech, but I handed them to him and said “they are for you”. His very child-like response was, “Oooh, a present! For me? Thank you!” And… not that he was paying attention for he was probably very confused as to why someone would dress up a Spatula and a Pickle and then give it to him, I told him their names and walked away. The mission, which I chose to accept, was accomplished.

This is a picture of Dom holding Rhinestone Rick and Pickle Bob…

though you can’t see them that well!

Next was the screening of the new ABC dramas, in which I was able to see a commercial for LOST for the first time. I was a bit intrigued. But of course the best part was the question and answer session with the stars. Yeah… I don’t remember much, but I remember the phrases “fart basketball” and “I enjoy flesh too much” coming out of Dom’s mouth. Hmmm… interesting! But I think it is funny that he confessed grease was dripping out of his ear, but then insisted that it was medicine for an ear infection. Of course the Captain and I knew the truth… the grease was just buildup from his hair… but we love him anyway!

Here is Dom at the Q&A session… probably thinking about fart basketball!

After that we headed for the water ride which we had fast passes for. Eventually we left the park, but stopped to get tickets to go see the premiere of LOST. Food and shopping caused us to push it rather close, but we actually made it back in time for the premiere. Yeah… the show doesn’t look bad! I’d just like to say that the “unknown” thing is definitely not a Giant Spatula… it was far too scary! Also… I won’t be flying again for quite a while after that scariness, so I am glad that the Francing is over! A couple more random comments so as to intrigue but not ruin it for you… my favorite character was the polar bear, the Captain’s was the bald guy (pretty much cuz he would look kool wearing a kilt)… and Dom wasn’t too bad, for a weirded out musician. Glad to see he that is the comic relief of the show in the midst of all the scary drama blah-ness! Yeah… and I am thinking that he was the high-pitched voice in Fli… just a thought after that lovely song he sings! Rock and Roll, Dom… you just keep on truckin’!

I didn’t take this picture, but I thought I would throw it in anyway!

I love the ugly shoes, Charlie!

That brings us to the end of the crazy weekend of far too many Refralafrafs owning pens that smell like Dom’s mouth… don’t ask, just flick! So the conclusion is… the hair could have been better, but all in all Dom is officially declared a Farfalarfer by the Captain and I, so welcome to the club! Wish I could have graced him with my randomness a bit more, but the poor sap missed out. Hope he takes the time to visit Spatula Land sometime. And, well… I am not afraid to threaten, so he better take good care of Rhinestone Rick and Pickle Bob, or I will hunt him down! You have been warned!

This eccentric performance of nonsensical randomness took place at 11:49 pm by Savvy1stMate!
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Saturday, September 11, 2004

52 Random Questions to Ask Dom in Celebration of Meeting Him Today!

Happy we-get-to-meet-Dom-and-grace-him-with-our-randomness-today Day! I know you are all very jealous that you are not so lucky… to meet us that is! Yes, yes… he might have ugly hair, but Dom is a lucky boy! And just as for all other holidays celebrated here in Spatula Land, here is a List of Randomness for you to enjoy while celebrating with us on this wonderful day! If we were able to get an interview with Dom, ours would be… well… random, to say the least! And here are 52 questions that we would ask him in an interview! (By the way… Dom, if you ever read this, please try to find the time to answer some of the questions that the people of Spatula Land long to know the answers to! Thanks!)

1. Do you prefer Kleenex with or without the snotty feeling lotion on them?

2. When you are at a nice restraint that has three different forks, do you actually use the salad fork to eat your salad, or do you use the bigger dinner fork thing?

3. If you were at the Sea in Italy, from which beach vender would you buy something from… the jewelry seller, the sock seller, the bandana seller, or the bikini seller?

4. Plastic or metal hangers… or do you just keep the ones that the store gives you?

5. Of all of your toes, which one is your favorite?

6. If you were able to invent any sort of kitchen appliance, what would it do?

7. Imagine you are in a city and all of the cities around you are experiencing horrible storms… one has a constant earthquake, another has a tornado, another has the worst thunderstorm ever, yet another has a dust storm… which city would you head toward?

8. Do you like the smell of dill pickles?

9. Do you know what Caledonia is?

10. Do you prefer lilies or lilacs?

11. Will you please stand up on a table and sing at the top of your lungs “Macho, macho man! I want to be a macho man!”?

12. If you were a piece of clothing, what would you be?

13. Suppose you live in the ’80s and can’t get those pre-sticky stamps. Would you rather lick the stamps or use one of the stamp wetter things, or convince someone to lick the stamps for you?

14. What is your favorite type of insect?

15. What is your favorite species of critter?

16. What type pf pencil do you prefer… be VERY specific! I like a mechanical that uses 0.5 lead and has the clicker on the side. The Captain prefers charcoal pencil that writes dark and thick.

17. Would you name your first-born Cotton Ball or Dune Buggy? (I’m sorry, but Djibouti BEAN is already taken!)

18. Please tell us what kind of lip stuff you use in your hair. We have concluded that Chap Stick can’t be it… not greasy enough. So we are leaning toward the roll on stuff that was really popular in the early ‘90s.

19. If you had to suffer an injury, would you rather be shot or stabbed? (And yes, we are planning your murder if you don’t do something about your hair! I’ve been SHOT IN THE HEAD!)

20. Would you ever wear a Mohawk on your chin hair beard thing?

21. What do you think is a worse thing than a shattered chandelier?

22. What colour do you wish your blood was?

23. How about your sweat?

24. If an animal had the tail of a blue-and-green-plaid elephant, the ears of a donkey, a chin just exactly like yours, the body of a purple goose, the feet of a Hobbit, and the beak of a platypus, what would you name it?

25. So… this "unknown" that is part of your show LOST… is this "unkown" a giant Spatula? If so, you shouldn't be scared… they are really harmless, unless wielded by a crazy CaptainSavvy who was just hit on by an annoying guy on the train who seriously needed to leave her alone… and NO IT IS NOT A BURN! BASTA!

26. Besides Giant Spatulas, what are you scared of? Giant pickles? Yeah… I thought so! Giant Highland coos? Yup, yup! Giant man-flesh-obsessed cats? Understandable! Giant noses and giant chins and giant ears and giantly-ugly hair? Don't look in the mirror, then! Run away!

27. Do you realize that we only make fun of the people that we love?

28. Do you also realized that it is your fault for giving us so much ammo?

29. Can you please re-enact for us as you say “tears coming out my eyes, snot coming out my noise, laughing to the point where you can't really breathe and stuff” for us?

30. What is your favorite smell memory?

31. In regular grocery stores, you are asked paper or plastic? In Spatula Land you only get paper… but would you like glama, Mohawk, cardstock, or astrobrite? Also… would you like 80#, 100#, or 70#? What colour would you like? And do you want some specks, stripes or fibers in that?

32. Do you want pull your eye out when you hear the fax machine sound?

33. Have you ever asked for a button and then thrown it and run away?

34. Would you ever kick a plastic pink flamingo lawn ornament just hear it go “ee-eee-eir-eer”?

35. Are you willing to take the Hesha challenge?

36. If you were Christine Daaé, would you pick the dorky, bordering on fill-in-the-blank Raoul, or would you go for the handsome, sturdy, little gargoyle-looking, but still way kooler with a swoon-worthy voice Phantom?

37. Why are people not allowed to wear white after Labor Day?

38. Pick one: dips or bumps?

39. Xnalawoopadoo?

40. Osaramondombo?

41. Have you ever been so annoyed with someone that you just wanted to flick them in the forehead until they died, much like the Captain and I wanted to do to the annoying kids in the Inverness hostel who wouldn’t shut up because they were in love with us despite the fact that we were far too old for them? Oh… I missed it… italicized!

42. If you were captured by a heathen tribe and going to be sacrificed by being thrown into a volcano, what would you wear? (Please include scents, hair gel, jewelry, etc.)

43. Of all of your teeth, which tooth is your favorite?

44. If you were a nail polish, what colour would you be?

45. If you were small enough to fit in a pill box, what would you want your pill box to look like? (By the way… I have a wide assortment and would take plenty care of you if you picked one of mine!)

46. And if you were small enough to fit in a pill box and were stuck to a piece of duct tape, would you want to be ripped off damaging a lot of hair on your body, or drown in water for several minutes to dissolve the adhesive?

47. If you could give your nose to anyone, who would it be?

48. What are you?

49. The winning speech: Hey Dom, can I ask you a question? [and of course he will answer yes!]

50. I can already guarantee your answer, but we were wondering if you would like to hang out with a couple of Spatula-obsessed gals this afternoon. We feel that we are good contenders, and want to take the "Dom Challenge"! And of course, we are not ashamed to use bribery, so we are willing to do the Spatula Dance for you and buy you a pickle if you do so! [and of course he will be stupid and say no, making the biggest mistake of his life!]

51. That is okay I guess, but can I ask you one more question? [and he will be a bit scared, but also a bit intrigued and say "I guess"!]

52. Alright, well I know that this is about the most difficult decision you will ever have to make, but if you had to choose between a pickle and a Spatula, which would you choose? [and he will look at me confused, and eventually pick one, prompting the Captain and I to give him Rhinestone Rick and Pickle Bob!]

This eccentric performance of nonsensical randomness took place at 03:07 am by Savvy1stMate!
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Friday, September 10, 2004

Rhinestone Rick and Pickle Bob

I would like to take the time and randomness to introduce you to the newest members of our Spatula Family! Here to make there nonsensical debut are:

Rhinestone Rick and Pickle Bob (he’s adopted)!

Rhinestone Rick is sporting shiny purple and black pin-striped vest and cowboy pants with beaded fringe. Atop his head he wears a black cowboy hat, accented with rhinestones, which matches his rhinestoned belt. But of course his favorite feature is his sheriff-like star on the left vest pocket. The thing I love the most about him is his child-like attitude, seen best in that little smirk he always has on his face... and the fact that he talks out of the side of his mouth, much like someone else I know and love! Yes, yes… with all these glittery features, Rhinestone Rick makes a great Rhinestone Cowboy Spatula!

Rhinestone Rick’s trusty sidekick, Pickle Bob, is a bit plainer looking, but dude, he’s a pickle, need I say more? Pickle Bob is wearing a white cowboy hat with no rhinestones because Rick wouldn’t share in his good fortune and fashion. His hat accents his handlebar mustache very well, and also helps to hide a few of his unsightly beauty marks. He is also wearing a beaded white belt, and he is secure enough in his masculinity that he doesn’t care if some think it looks a bit like a tutu.

I am sure you would now like to get to know our new friends a little bit better. Well they are the rootinest tootinest Spatula and Pickle that I have ever met. While the Captain and I were away from Spatula Land this summer, they kept everything and everyone in their place.

When some ruffian purple penguins disguised themselves as puffins so as to sneak into Spatula Land in hopes of assuming the identities of the Captain and I in order to blow up the capital (I know it sounds crazy, but this really happened, so be on the look out for ruffian purple penguins trying to assume your identity as well), Rhinestone Rick rode in on his alligator and Pickle Bob rode in on his giant chicken to save the day! Hooray! *does the Spatula Dance*

Rhinestone Rick grew up with Hippie Spatula parents, and while he was young, his dear dad taught him karate and hula dancing. This came in handy when the rains came, causing weeds to spring up all over the beautiful Land of Spatulas. Rhinestone Rick was able to karate chop down the weeds and then make them into a beautiful grass skirt that he wore to scare off the hula-phobic mealy bugs that were mad the yummy weeds were gone!

Pickle Bob, on the other hand, grew up as an inner-city child, and was raised by the TV as his cucumber parents were off dilling turnips (YUCK!) But while watching TV, he saw plenty of westerns and learned the tricks of the trade… like how to ride a horse without any hands (or legs for that matter) and how to always whisk the pretty pickle in distress off of her… hold on, pickles don’t have feet! AnyBEAN… when Rhinestone Rick came through Dill-town looking for someone to convince the trash men to forget about their strike and pick up the trash that was now covering the streets of Spatula Land, Pickle Bob jumped at the chance. He grabbed his squirt gun and began to squirt down the trash with pickling juice. The trash men could stand for it no longer, for if all the trash soaked up all the goodness that makes cucumbers into pickles, then they would die of hunger (did I forget to mention that the trash men of Spatula Land live on pickles?)! What quick thinking, Pickle Bob!

Though there are many, many more stories I could share with you of how wonderful Rhinestone Rick and Pickle Bob are, it is now time for me to be quiet! Actually, I am going blind because of all the beaming redness coming from their cute little embarrassed faces! I guess James isn’t the only tomato face that I have ever known!

Dear Rhinestone Rick and Pickle Bob,

I just wanted to write you a quick note to tell you how much we appreciate all that you have done for us! Thank you for keeping Spatula Land safe while we were gone! We will miss you terribly when we give you to Dom tomorrow, but we know that he needs you more than we do! Please know that we will never forget you! We love you Rhinestone Rick and Pickle Bob! *does a very special Spatula Dance for the two of you*

Love Always,

Savvy1stMate

& CaptainSavvy

This eccentric performance of nonsensical randomness took place at 03:33 pm by Savvy1stMate!
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Thursday, September 02, 2004

Our Random Itinerary

A really quick note before I begin… much like the rest of the blog, unless you were there you probably won't understand much of what I am talking about. As this entry is titled… it is our random itinerary! Only the randomest points of each day will be listed. Hope you enjoy the randomness!

June 29^th, 2004… I hate airports! I hate planes! I hate flying! Happy 88^th Birthday, Captain! Who were those crazy girls wearing pink flamingos on their heads in the airplane? Oh yeah… it was uz! Another game of "Hang Hobbit," anyone?

June 30^th, 2004… Cold soup is weird… especially when it is supposed to be like that! No more "First Fight" Captain… some of the violence is going to rub off on your Spatula!

July 1^st, 2004… It's 3:00 in the morning, and the whole time I am begging to fall back to sleep, but stupid jetlag won't let me!

July 2^nd, 2004… I could have spent all day in that bookstore! The only sucky thing about it was the fact that the bags leaked red all over my sweater… BASTA to the stupid rain!

July 3^rd, 2004… How many festivals does a city need in one day? In my journal I wrote, "Yes, I am a future pilot of the Royal Air Force." I also striked… stroked… stroke… whatever… my own Viking coin!

July 4^th, 2004… Have you ever seen a full double rainbow, cuz I have. And I think that the guy with the weird piercings said that Pepsi Max is diet Pepsi with twice the sugar… why? I don't have any idea! Why couldn't I go bungee jumping off the Tyne Bridge? I have don’t have any idea!

July 5^th, 2004… The first taste of the glory which is Upper Crust! Victory! It was Poppet's last day with us! *Tear*!

July 6^th, 2004… Oh I wish they all could be Caledonian girls! Today I got a Scottish passport and I wore a kilt!

July 7^th, 2004… I saw Nessy! Just kidding… but we did see the choppiness of Loch Ness caused by her swimming around underneath the surface of the water. Bad allergies… bad… bad!

July 8^th, 2004… BILLY!?! BILLY BOYD!?!?! Where could he have run off to? Quick note: Glaswegians don't drink… they simply have wee refreshments!

July 9^th, 2004… Scottish people are a little fry happy… they even fry hamburgers! At least the yummy chocolate and toffee (which by the way is not really toffee like American toffee) were not fried! Way to go, Tobermorians!

July 10^th, 2004… I thought I was going to freeze to death! *teeth chatter* The 2^nd best game of the entire trip was played this day! Look… three trees all in a row with purple flowers in front of them which would be really kool if they were being eaten by Highland coos! And did I mention Gary from Indiana?

July 11^th, 2004… Hesha gave us some good advice on our little stressful problem. Really comfy seats on the ferry is the only way to go! The sunset was beautiful, but very, very, very late!

July 12^th, 2004… Today was the most glorious day of the whole trip. The Captain and I helped a couple of cute old Scottish men refurbish Kilchurn Castle. Yes, you read that correctly! We so totally rock, Captain!

July 13^th, 2004… 55° North, need I say more? And £40 for two people for two nights in a hotel room = we will definitely stay there again when we go back! Plus the song has a whole new meaning when you realize that Campbeltown Loch is not really a Loch at all… it is just a section of the ocean… brrrrrilliant!

July 14^th, 2004… Car Spotters is the best game in the whole entire world! The final score was: Grey - 32, Blue - 30, Yellow - 28, White - 23, Silver Sun - 17, Red - 9, Silver - 3. Oh… other stuff happened today too… we cut it far too close for our own good and me legs, me legs, they hurt, me legs!

July 15^th, 2004… In 48 hours, the only thing I have eaten is Lunchables! Get me some real food! And for your enjoyment: MASSIVE NATURE! I present to you: Angus, Dom, 'Lij, Gary "the Gary", Dune Buggy, Tom the Refurbisher, "you could call me Dennis", and Massive!

July 16^th, 2004… Dundee's city slogan thing should be "Glasgow without Billy Boyd"! The driver of bus #125 wore a kool kilt! And why are there so many ghost stories about Glamis Castle? I am so over it!

July 17^th, 2004… Today I shot an arrow from a window, stabbed a container of flowers, danced on a window sill, and pretended to be a horse. But who can forget half naked drunk man trying to commit suicide by jumping off a 4 foot wall and throwing up on himself before almost stripping completely naked!

July 18^th, 2004… I officially decided I absolutely love '80s music! Especially if it is played at the Hard Rock Café in Edinburgh! Drumstick, anyone?

July 19^th, 2004… Claustrophobia made me sick for the second half of the day. And seriously, it is just a bedroom… just a bed… in a room… I don't understand the glass! Bullet proof?

July 20^th, 2004… Begins to sing, "Somewhere in between Edinburgh and London, a place called the train"! Spending the night in the airport = just plain stupid! *makes mental note to NEVER DO IT AGAIN*

July 21^st, 2004… Hotness! Hotness! Humidness! Sweatiness! Hotness! Culture shock! Hotness! Sweatiness! Agonizing 4 hour train ride! Hotness! Hotness! HOTNESS! Wish we were back in Scotland!

July 22^nd, 2004… GELATO! Yes, yes… the glory made Italy worth it… a little bit! Well… and *begins to sing* "Mr. Hat Man, come save my friend, I threw her in for cheating at gin"! And Alex, seriously dude, you don't need anything more to drink! And please, STOP HITTING ON UZ!

July 23^rd, 2004… Sleep? What is sleep, precious? I laid in bed for hours just sweating and sweating and being hot and sweating! Why did we leave Scotland, seriously? But Italian nectarines are really yummers!

July 24^th, 2004… Please note: next time you are walking around in a thunderstorm where lightning is going off around you in every direction, do not, I repeat, DO NOT carry around batteries in your hand!

July 25^th, 2004… Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Air-conditioned hotel room! Need I say more? I discovered two things today: Charley Chaplin is so squish and Strachiatella (please ignore the horrible spelling) is like the yummiest gelato flavor of all!

July 26^th, 2004… Italian Museums are closed on Mondays! We should come back tomorrow! But the glory of doodling on David never closes! *does the Spatula Dance* *stops Spatula Dancing* The Kamikaze Bugs struck again! The total number of bites on this day stood at 8: 3 on legs, 1 on toe, 1 on foot, 2 on arm, 1on on hip! BASTA!

July 27^th, 2004… We were the stars of Academia… yes, yes… even more so than David! We alone could make the kool bronze pot thing make music! Bouncing water truly is MASSIVE NATURE!

July 28^th, 2004… BASTA to four months since the whole counting of the time thing! BASTA to having to return to the most horrible city in the world! BASTA to missing our train by 5 minutes! BASTA to running out of money!

July 29^th, 2004… Why did the mean man yell at us for sitting at a table when there wasn’t anything to buy yet? And why did the other mean man drive down an empty bus even though we were waiting and there was supposed to be a bus right then?

July 30^th, 2004… I met my first Alfonzo, and he was sad to see us leave! But the Trevi Fountain was calling us home with its very loud water and pushy flower salesmen. So much for staying up all night, but ahhhh… sleep!

July 31^st, 2004… Yes, I would like some spaghetti carbonara with my pepper please! I can’t believe we paid for that gross meal at the WRONG restaurant! But it ended up with one of the best laughs and greatest nights of the trip! We love you, Amro!

August 1^st, 2004… Just like the Captain, Amro also has a habit of loosing his car! Captain, why didn’t you buy that beautiful shirt? It was better than Amro’s love-his-bum pants! The glory of Real Fighters was on tonight! *does the Spatula Dance*

August 2^nd, 2004… Poor Captain! Not only did you have a migraine but you missed the brrrrrilliance of the Ran-dom-ness guys! Today was officially the last day I wrote in my journal… whoops!

August 3^rd, 2004… *hides in shame* I had a near death experience today! Not really… I just fell and scratched up my knee… but I also dropped the Captain’s camera in the process and I thought that she was gonna beat me with her Spatula for it! But alas… I survived!

August 4^th, 2004… Yet another near death experience occurred today! The Captain and I sat in the sun for FAR TOO LONG at the Sea, almost melting into nothing! Fortunately we both survived with nothing but a tomato complexion for the next 3 days!

August 5^th, 2004… *does the Spatula Dance for Old Bridge Gelateria and the goodness which it serves* Today I touched Ochy’s hair… and it was rather soft… for a boy that is! It poured rain on us all the way to the restaurant and the Captain was named a VIP there, where as I was just… frustrated!

August 6^th, 2004… Good bye apartment, hello Lord of the Rings in Italian! “Oh, gira pure qua e lá e prosciuga la cittá, ma birra scura mai gusterai come quella che da noitroverai, se volete la gran marche, le bevete a tonnellate, ma onesti, su, non cercate piú al Drago Verde andate!”

August 7^th, 2004… So what was the deal with the sheep in Lizzie McGuire? I didn’t see any sheep on the way to Tivoli! Can someone explain this to me? I am a little bitter! I wanted to see sheep!

August 8^th, 2004… A happy day… a sad day… a day in which we sewed together a 20 Euro note and left it dangling on a button with Frodo’s face on it inside an empty water bottle! It beat having to fold it into one of those annoying heart thingies again!

August 9^th, 2004… It is official! I will never ever ever never never ever ever ever ever never ever again take an overnight train! Never ever ever ever ever again! Seriously! I would rather fly than… wait, what am I saying? I would rather do anything than fly! So I guess I would rather WALK than take an over night train ride!

August 10^th, 2004… Anyone feel like leaving the country? I am still amazed how far we got with hand gestures and pointing! And how did it take us 20 minutes to figure out what country we were in? You would think that French word searches would be hard for a couple of foreigners like us but… oh… frits!

August 11^th, 2004… Lan! The Big Head! Lan! Champs-Élysées! Lan! Tour Effiel! Lan! Arc de Triomphe! Lan! Vesuvio! Lan! St. Eustache! Lan! Ben and Jerry’s ice cream! Lan!

August 12^th, 2004… Monkey Munchies, a demon possessed dog, and Winnie Lu Son! What more could you ask for from a trip to Disneyland? How about 6 times in a row on Pirates of the Caribbean and a really cute picture to boot?

August 13^th, 2004… Friday the 13^th only comes around once in a while, and I figure the best way to spend it is by going to an English speaking country where everyone around you has the coolest accent in the world… in my opinion that is! Sorry it was not Scotland, Captain!

August 14^th, 2004… I flew the EYE! I also met the rudest girl in the history of hostelling! BASTA to her! Don’t worry… I will get her back! Why do the stupid Tube people decide to do construction on the only weekend that the Captain and I spent in the already sucky city, making it even suckier?

August 15^th, 2004… Man in kilt! Man in kilt! Yummy brownie fell in the fountain, but to make up for it, God sent a man in kilt! And we did some rubbing of brass… but it was a bit different than in Florence!

August 16^th, 2004… Revenge is sweet, and kinda throw-up-y-taking! But what a great end to the randomness we had! *begins to sing for the last time in the entry* “The Phantom of the Opera is here, inside my mind!” However, I think that it would have been even better had stupid Christine Daaé picked the right person at the end!

August 17^th, 2004… To market, to market, to buy a fat pig! Home again, home again, jiggedy jig!

This eccentric performance of nonsensical randomness took place at 09:24 pm by Savvy1stMate!
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Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Francing in Eurk 2004

Hello everyone! I know that you have all missed the Captain and me terribly, but it is with great joy that I am able to report that we have returned to Spatula Land safely from our seven week adventure of Francing in Eurk! *does the Spatula Dance* I am sure you all missed the glory that is the Spatula Dance, so I will do it again for you! *does the Spatula Dance again* It’s official! You can now die happy!

Alright, now it is time for what you have all been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for…

The Adventures of Captain Oc Bean and Pippi LongSpatula

While Francing in Eurk 2004

Are you confused yet? If not, you will be soon! First, I would like to introduce you all to our friends… Captain Oc Bean, who is Captain Savvy’s Spatula, and Pippi LongSpatula, who is my Spatula.

Captain Oc Bean is the bald, somewhat Arab looking Spatula wearing the massive turban-scarf thing. But of course his most exciting piece of clothing is the blue and green plaid kilt that he is wearing. He was able to buy an authentic sporran while in Scotland, which Pippin rode around in through most of the trip. It is also important to note that he has a tattoo of a Spatula on his chest and is usually expressionless!

Pippi LongSpatula is the Spatula with long flowing brown hair which she prefers to have in braided pigtails and pulled away from her face with a cute little scarf. She always has a smile on her face. She is wearing a white skirt that’s most notable feature is a large pocket which Merry made his home in for the seven week journey.

(Alright… you are all probably wondering why I am introducing you all to a couple of dressed up Spatulas! Well, frankly, are you actually surprised? If you are then clearly you have never been to Singapore!)

So, now that you have met our friends, the four of us would like to share some of our pictures with you from our exciting adventures in Eurk. Underneath each picture you will see my comments explaining some of our favorite adventures. However, I must let you know that not all of our adventures were able to be captured by film, so in a few days I will try to write another entry with some more of the craziness we got ourselves into. I hope you enjoy the stories and that they will encourage you to go Francing in Eurk someday… though I would not try everything that we did on your own… after all, we are Captain Savvy and Savvy1stMate… need I say more?

Here are Captain Oc Bean and Pippi LongSpatula with their bags, very excited about leaving for the seven week Francing adventure. The colourful bags are the invention of Captain Savvy and I. Before heading to Eurk, the two of us became a bit obsessed with eBay for a little while… buying patches and badges up the wahzoo. It is from this obsession that I ended up buying a badge maker… but our favorite badges are the ones we collected along the way in Eurk.

Despite much effort to track down Billy Boyd while we were in Scotland, we failed. So instead of getting our Spatulas picture taken with the best Scotsman of all, we were forced to have them sit on a manikin wearing a kilt and pose for a picture. And I would just like to say that it was about the best bagpipe playing, kilt wearing, Spatula holding manikin I have ever met.

Here Captain Oc Bean and Pippi LongSpatula are making a phone call from a very British/Scottish phone booth. You might be surprised, but it is true… Spatulas do get home sick! Luckily the calling costs back to Spatula Land were not too over the top… though the shipping charges are astronomical! BASTA!

Please make a mental note that no alcoholic drinking took place on the seven week trip. However, our Spatulas wanted to visit the Malt Whisky shop thingy while in Scotland. Why? I have no idea! Did we appease the wishes of our wooden friends? We saw it from the outside… that’s enough, right?

Now I would like to introduce you to Captain Oc Bean and Pippi LongSpatula’s good friend, “HUME”! HUME is a kool guy; what a pleasure he was to hang out with. We met him on the Royal Mile in Edinburgh, though saw him again later in our adventures… but I will talk about that more in a little while.

Pippi LongSpatula and Captain Oc Bean really enjoyed their time in Edinburgh. This is a picture of them in front of the castle. Alright… I know it is not a great picture, but we were there at a time in which the whole city was getting ready for the Edinburgh Festival. There was a ton and a half of bleachers set up in front of the castle, making it one of our least favorite castles of the trip. But Billy Boyd has been there, making it still very exciting!

And of course we saved the best for last. No trip to Scotland would be complete without a visit to the Scottish Parliament. Well… that is a lie! We only saw this sign for the Scottish Parliament, but we were all quite excited. And the Captain is proud that the Scottish finally have their own parliament, and thinks that now is the perfect time for them to revolt against the British! So, we were able to see a sign for the thing which will start the biggest revolt in the history of Spatula Land… the Captain would side with the Scottish and I would be forced to side with the English splitting the two of us up. And of course this would also be the split up of Billy and Dom, which would affect most of the western hemisphere!

After three glorious weeks in Scotland, we arrived in Venice, Italy to the hot, humid, and sweaty blahness that is anything but Scotland! And no… the Captain and I weren’t bitter at all! However, our Spatulas seem to be enjoying themselves… probably for the sole reason that they don’t have sweat glands! AnyBEAN… this picture was taken just outside our hostel, looking across the gross canal water to the mainland of Venice with San Marco seen in the background.

We finally made it to Pompeii! YAY! *does the Spatula Dance* The Captain and I decided to completely skip Naples (BLAH to Naples), and go straight from Florence to Pompeii and what a good plan that was. We were the first people in the archeological site… because nobody in the country wakes up before 9, by the way... which allowed us to get these great pictures of our Spatulas in the Coliseum-y-ish-thing without any other tourists in the way. Victory!

But of course the best part of our time in Italy was spent in Roma, where we had our very own apartment for a week. And, as some of you may remember if you have been following the blog for a while, we rented an amazing apartment overlooking the Trevi Fountain. And just to prove it to you… and to me cuz I still can’t even believe it… here is a picture of our Spatulas in front of the window which had just about the best view in all of Rome.

Even better than the amazing view from our apartment, however, is the fact that the Captain and I were able to meet up with a friend of ours who lives in Rome while we were there. This is our good friend Amro at the Mediterranean Sea, with our Spatulas, who unfortunately got very burn while they were at the Sea. That’s what they get for forgetting to where sunscreen! Shame on them!

Here are Pippi LongSpatula and Captain Oc Bean in Vatican City. They had a grand time going through the extremely huge Vatican Museum, though they were quite upset when Amro slept in and left the four of us stranded and lost in the huge maze. But we made it up to them by taking them to San Pietro, where the Captain dressed up at the Pope and autographed the gullible Spatula’s map of Rome. They were very excited!

Perhaps the most adventurous day that the Captain and I had was a day trip out of Paris to Brussels, Belgium. With no map and no idea what language they spoke in this little county, we decided that frits sounded good so we bought train tickets and left the country for about 5 hours. So here are our Spatulas… and of course Hobbits… eating frits. And just so that you don’t think that we are completely insane, I thought I should point out the fact that we also got chocolate, which makes any adventure worth it.

Here are Captain Oc Bean and Pippi LongSpatula with their good friend HUME again. (Alright… I know that this is not really HUME, but I couldn’t bear to break our cute little Spatulas’ hearts, so we let them believe that it was HUME. They were happy, and it gave me at least one more picture for our trip to Belgium, so I guess it was worth it.)

Hey… that looks a little familiar! What do you call that thing? Duh… it’s the Tour Eiffel! You knew that… I know, I know! It’s tall and heavy and a really ugly shade of baby-poo brown… much like Elijah’s favorite jacket... and that is about all that needs to be said about it. The wonder that is the Tour Eiffel needs no introduction and no conclusion!

Of course the best site that Paris has to offer is much more exciting than the Tour Eiffel. Here is the Big Head, and our Spatulas sitting on the Big Hand, the best friend of the Big Head. Only the most important people in the world are able to visit the Big Head, so good luck trying to find it if you ever go there. But just in case you were wondering, this is the only site really worth going and seeing in Paris… but I am a little biased, after all, it is also the only site that lets me pick its nose with my foot. And there you go!

And to finish off our Spatula’s adventures of Francing in Eurk, here we have Little Ben and our Big Spatulas! I guess they ate too much crème on their ice-cream in Scotland, too many margarita pizzas in Italy, and lots of croquet madams in France, causing them to grow enormous by the time we reached our final destination of London.

I would now like to thank you all for tuning in to our program and hope you enjoyed yourselves. Remember, do not try any of the amazing stunts you have seen here at home, and please note that we have a patent pending on Captain Oc Bean and Pippi LongSpatula Spatulas. If you steal our idea, we will hunt you down and beat you with our dear friends! You have been warned! Don’t forget to tip your waitress! Try the veal! God night everyone! Paste! *does the Spatula dance as she leaves to set up spy cameras around the world to make sure that no one tries to steal the dressed up Spatula idea*

This eccentric performance of nonsensical randomness took place at 10:49 pm by Savvy1stMate!
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004

100 Random Ideas for Buttons in Celebration of Our 100th Entry

I know, I know! It has been 3 stinking months since I have written! My sympathies friends, you have no manner of luck at all. But alas… I am finally back to grace you all with my randomness! I will eventually catch you all up on what I have been doing for the past 3 months… but for now all I would like to say is: ONLY 7 MORE WEEKS ‘TIL THE FRANCING BEGINS, WHOOOHOOOOO!

Besides the Francing count down, we have many, many, many reasons to celebrate here in Spatula Land… well actually there are only two, so take away one of those “many”s! Not only I am I finally posting, (I told you I would eventually write something, Captain) but it is also our 100^th entry here in the wonderful world of nonsense known as “Need I Say More” or Spatula Land… or whatever you want to call our happy little blogy-poo! YAY!

Dude… I’m tired… really, really tired… so I am not sure if I am making sense right now… or if I ever make sense for that matter… but I wanted to let you all in on a little secret… I haven’t even told the Captain yet… but she will soon find out! I am going into business! YAY for me! Alright… the brrrrrilliant thing about my business is not that I am trying to make money or anything, but that I want to be really random… and see if I can get other people to be really random along with me! So… yes… I bought a button, if you’re American, or badge if you speak English, making machine last night and I am going to start selling badges on eBay! I don’t know if I will start before we leave for Europe, but I need all of our faithful blog readers’ opinion… would you guys buy random badges from me? Because who knows… if my business of badge making goes well, I might even begin making and selling special spatulas for anyone interested… but that will come later… if ever!

AnyBEAN… back to my badge making! I have decided that in honor of our 100^th entry and in honor of my new found obsession and business with badges to make the following…100 Random Ideas for Buttons in Celebration of Our 100^th Entry! I hope you enjoy the randomness… I have been gone so long that you might have forgotten the joy of such nonsense! Please don’t go overboard and if you begin to feel light headed, step away from the computer and come back in 10 minutes! Paste Farfalarfers!