In honor of LOST finally premiering tonight (although, I would like to point of the fact that I am a little mad, cuz I still have to wait another couple of weeks to see a new episode! BASTA!), I have decided to write a story of what it would be like if a plane crashed in
A black screen appears… oooh… blackness… tension… very intriguing indeed! *explosion sounds come from all directions* CRASH! BANG! BOOM! ZOINK… (hey, this is
Today is a day that they will never forget. A Boeing 2316.2 (aka a blue-and-green-plaid flying elephant) crashed into an invisible wall 2000 feet above sea level which is intended to keep the scary flying monkeys from Wizard of Oz away from the Captain. The elephant then plummeted to the ground and landed on a very small and exotic island shaped like the connecting together of Savvy1stMate’s leg hair follicles and unlike anything anyone has ever seen. This Dumbo Flight 621 headed from Uferbia to Kung-Pao-City never reached its destination. No yummy food was to be had, for “ETAF” would have them land on this unknown and uncharted island paradise in the middle of the
The survivors of the wreckage had dealt with the scary and painful realities of their elephant crash. They had finally settled in for the night when suddenly an uncanny scream can from one of the survivors and the rest focused in on the jungle that lay beyond the beach. The most horrible sound came from the trees—the sound of a hamburger hitting the floor. No more flipping for that well loved utensil! But what could have made the all important and well celebrated Spatula stop flipping that now dirty burger? Those lost on the island, to their dismay and horror, would soon find out!
The next morning they woke up after a night of almost no sleep, and much confuse-ment about the night before. They all decided that they could not let the UNKNOWN control there lives, and they began to deal with the circumstances that they had been faced with. They went through the luggage that had survived the crash to find only 3 things worth mentioning… a purple glitter pen that is also a clock, a package of magnetic poetry in the language of Scots, and a manly yellow oar that at one point in time was held by Mr. Billy Boyd himself. With these items in hand as their only form of protection from whatever lay beyond the beach, the survivors decided to explore the island.
In the jungle they found many interesting inhabitance. A whole colony of squirrels covered with lipstick, who had been kissed in search of the King of the Squirrels, who remember when kissed with turn into a pink elephant… which by the way, excited the survivors because if they could find this King of the Squirrels and turn him into a pink elephant they could teach him to fly and therefore get off the God-forsaken island they were stuck on… but anyBEAN! They also found a family of polar bears, which one meany-boy-head tried to shoot, but luckily these particular polar bears which I recently bought and introduced to the jungles of our wonderful little land, has a special force that pushes away anything metal (like the opposite of a magnetic force), so the polar bears were safe. Then they saw, from far away, a French Christopher Robin, and his good friend Winnie Lu Son… but decided to run away from them, cuz Chris was just a little too (fill in the blank) for their taste.
Along the trail which they were running on away from Chris, they stumbled upon the unthinkable! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! A pile of broken, torn apart, burnt up, thrashed, mangled, and destroyed spatulas! NNNOOOOOOOOOOO! The shock was too much for them. What was this world coming to when something leaves a pile of such lovely beings dead and unburied? The team of survivors turned back, without an ounce of hope left within them. If this UNKNOWN was willing to murder innocent Spatulas, the survivors of the plane crash had no hope of survival.
They eventually found themselves back on the beach, but along the way had collected 20 or so Spatulas out of the jungle, in hopes of keeping them alive through the night. But as the sun splashed into the Sea, the survivors knew that this thing, this monster, this UNKNOWN was out to get them and their little spatulas too! Sounds of more burgers hitting the ground echoed in the distance, but they seemed to be getting closer. It was only a matter of time.
The group of survivors huddle together around the Spatulas they were trying to keep safe. Silence fell over them as they heard a twig snap. Suddenly, from the midst of the jungle leapt out a horrible menacing Refralafraf! AAAAAAAAHH!!!! That’s right, a Spatula-hating, loud obnoxious, pen-smelling, you just want to flick them in the forehead until they die Refralafraf was responsible for the death of all those Spatulas… and she had spotted her next victims!
She ran toward the group of survivors and Spatulas, hurling everything and everybody out of her way until she reached the poor defenseless utensils. She began gnawing, hacking, breaking, burning, that Usurper and Destroyer of Spatulas! The survivors just stood back in shock and horror, not knowing what to do to save their helpless wooden friends.
Suddenly, from somewhere up above, “ETAF” came to rescue and a voice filled the early morning. Quiet, but very clear, the voice whispered, “Every time the dance is done, a Spatula gets its wings”! The survivors, still a bit confused, grabbed the surviving Spatulas and began to do the infamous Spatula Dance! And suddenly, all the Spatulas which had been destroyed by the evil Refralafraf popped back to life, but this time with wings! The survivors continued to do the dance, and suddenly, out of the jungle came many, many more Spatulas, so many that they scared the Refralafraf out of her mind, and she ended up falling on the ground and then chasing her tail (which by the way was not there), running around in circles barking!
The Refralafraf was no longer a threat thanks to the survivors and their willingness to do the Spatula Dance. The Spatulas were so grateful to the survivors of the plane crash for giving them their lives back that they decided to band together to make one giant Spatula (with wings of course) that would be able to fly the survivors to Kung-Pao-City so that they could finally have their yummy food that they had all been longing for! But before leaving this magical, wonderful, and very impressionable land for good, they all joined in and did the Spatula Dance one last time.
So, in conclusion, to the famous question which has been asked so many times, I finally officially really truly actually literally have an answer, so cue Dom:
“Guys, where are we?”
Dude… you’re in